I haven’t blogged in 3 years. Should I start again?
crashbarbosa on Blog Status trailerparkzen on Blog Status Jah on Monday Morning
The weekend was crazy. My Jets lost to go to the Super Bowl and I was mean to my girlfriend which leaves me single now. I didn’t make any music, but I did write some, luckily it seems to be paying off. Hard work is starting to be my new swag. I got an interview and some hook ups coming up for a local publication, and am looking at a song an hour playtime at UCSC which would be amazing. I love this momentum, I’m on the come up and nobody can stop me. One Love
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I met a very, very interesting girl last night. She could ruin my life if I let her, and I might. She’s real, like real real. She tells it like it is and is intimidating to me for some reason on some kind of different level. It’s possible that the intimidation comes from her wisdom that a 26 year old would typically have over a 21 year old, but there’s more to it than that. This girl is assertive, well versed in conversation, and beautiful. This is another level, I’ve never met anyone like her. I’m not even saying love at first sight, I’m just saying really, really serious intrigue upon first sight/conversation. Other than that, everything is stat quo ho.
It’s Friday January 14th. I haven’t been updating this because of my schedule, and I apologize to anybody who thought I had stopped writing. Let’s see where we are…. Ah, Yes! Lot’s has happened since I last blogged actually! My mentor and I are “beefing” and I don’t ever see that coming to an end. I can’t trust people in my camp who are going to attempt to turn my camp against me behind my back. Luckily, I hired another manager which places me with two managers. Lots of crazy fucking music is in the lab that is on another level. I can’t wait to release it all, but I can’t right now. I’m playing ghost and not acknowledging myself as an MC publicly until the fresh material comes. So that’s the last you’ll hear about music for a while. I’m going to go to Boston in a little over a month to see my mother for the first time in close to a year. That will be interesting, to say the least. I’ve been toying with the notion of writing a novel lately, but haven’t found the drive to begin work on it. I’m very busy with work, and am putting up with a lot of bullshit to be able to even have a job. It fuckin sucks being the youngest person in the office. I’m about to go cop some marijuana. Some of Cali’s finest and I am beyond excited for some new strains to be in my drawer. Females are almost non existent in my life at this point due to my busy schedule, and my bad reputation. There is one girl who my heart is telling me to start chasing, but I doubt she’d be into it whatsoever. Not because of my looks, because I am good looking. Not because of my tattoos, cause I imagine she likes the bad boy swag. Not because of where I live because we live pretty close. Not because of my career, or because of my age. Everything fits, she’s into my personality and everything that goes with that as well. I just don’t think she’ll date me because of the “idea” of me. I have become more of an “idea” or “ideologist” than a person. I am now a brand. The same as a corporation. The reason this particular girl would never date me is because of who I am even though she likes who I am. I’m trying to make sense of it on paper, but I can’t seem to get it right. That’s the first time I have ever been incapable of putting an idea on paper. That must mean something special. I just don’t think she’ll date me because of how I’m perceived by others. I purposely make people perceive me this way, it’s part of my brand. It just sucks when people literally cannot get involved with you because of it. I’m perceived as a “player” and a “partyer” which is fun for one night, and maybe for some day time hangouts, but no good as a boyfriend. I don’t blame them for not trusting me, I fucked the trust up with the ones that gave it to me.
I’m sorry I haven’t been updating as much, I just had an extremely busy weekend. I’m starting to see what’s really going on. I don’t know what to do about certain things and a lot of paths could be taken in a few arenas of my life right now. I really just need to get money so that I can do whatever I want. I know money won’t buy back the things I miss and all of that, but it will buy the substances that mask those feelings really well. I don’t trust anyone around me anymore, it’s strange. I really miss my mom right now and am not even sure when I’m going to see her again. I need some type of female in my life, otherwise I will burn out. It’s been fun, good, I’m proud of myself. I made a lot of music, and got fucked the fuck up all the time. I got a lot of women and a lot of things with family worked out too. I needed to focus like that to get all of that done, but it’s just more irresponsible now. I feel like I’ll meet whoever it is soon. I know it’s not somebody I know, at least I don’t think so. Things have been good lately, but there’s a big hole in me. I’m not sure what it is. The only thing I could think of would be the situation with females. Hopefully I’ll get to hang out with my buddies tonight before the week starts.